Have you been reading my missions blog?

That's where all the excitement is- keep up.

Also, check this out:

I know it's only mid October but I feel like the word got out too late last year. In the interest of living simply and being attuned to the plight of the poor as I'm trying to be here and I hope you are in following my journey, this movement is hihgly relevant to you all back in America as the holiday season looms on the horizon.

Watch this video



It's hard to tell on these internet cafe computers if that video actually will appear in my blog, so if all else else, please visit the Advent Conspiracy website and check out some more.

So, I live in Africa now...

Friends, after a long summer, I have made it. Today marks the first weekend I haven't packed up all of my stuff and changed where I live since the end of June. It's nice. But I also live in the developing world, which isn't always so nice.

Which brings me to my next point. Internet is made of molasses here and the computers of rubber bands and fig leaves, so I won't really be posting here a lot. I do have my missions blog (and yes I know I posted to both when I was in Ireland, but I just don't have the technology to keep up with both of them. So just check gollerinmissions.blogspot.com from now until December. Also, one of my team members keeps a nicely detailed blog about our daily lives since my posts are more reflective. Check her's out at krystamarieg.blogpost.com

Off the Grid

CRAM has turned out great. The troubles mentioned before have been redeemed into amazing learning experiences and everyone has really gotten a lot out of the last few weeks. As the song they wrote goes, "We are CRAMily..."

In the end, this has been a fantastic wrap-up for my time at Taylor. A chance to impart some of my love for this place on to some young'uns who will soon experience it. A chance to chill with friends and roomie for a little longer. Last night we had some prayer and reflection and it was really good to look back on the last four years and consider how I've changed and what precipitated that. It's certainly bittersweet to leave, but I think I'm going out as best as possible.

In other news, with the combo of camp and SL, I'm going dark, off the grid as it were, internet-wise until 2010.* I just simply won't have that much access.

So to those of you who are my good friends with whom I have recently parted ways, don't think I'm breaking my promise to stay in touch. We're just going to have to be more intentional about it. I'll post my Freetown address before I go, but remember that it'll take a good three weeks to get to me and another three to get back to you.

Love

*Of course I've got a few more days til this takes affect, I have weekends at camp, the week before Sierra Leone, and random internet cafes in Freetown. But really. It's not gonna be that often.

CRAM it up

"Been CRAMming for the last week and a half. It's a summer honors program for high school juniors and seniors. My job consists of hanging out at the front desk waiting for the students to get out of class so that we can play. I also drive 12 passenger vans and talk on a walkie-talkie.

The first week of classes went relatively smoothly. Then the weekend came. It saw some major hiccups resulting in a couple of late nights, running around, and rather intense conversations. Needed conversations.

My time here is about half over and everyday makes me realize that we're all broken people. These students have a heck of a lot more going on than what is apparent after an initial small group meeting. Just like I have a heck of a lot more going on than is first apparent. The walk towards reconciliation (between God and one another) is slow, difficult and easy to avoid. But hopefully the idea of Christian community is communicated to the students. The idea that we all mess up, we all fall short of any sort of perfection, yet God has given us each other to restore ourselves to Himself and to the group. It's a beautiful experience."

Thanks to Josiah Hatfield for writing this entire post.

God left me with an open summer for a reason...

Somehow I knew that working CRAM for three weeks and helping out at camp for one just would be simply too much down time for me this summer. I should have known that it was never going to happen that way.

On Sunday, I unexpectedly joined the staff of Lutheran Hills as program director again. I'm not really at liberty to say much, but due to medical issues they really needed me to come help out the directing staff. So it's Allie, Hannah, and I running the show with an entirely rookie staff. They are really great workers and over the past three days I've been impressed by their work ethic, camraderie, and excitement for the kids. If they can just become more self-confident, they'll be great.

Anyway, I'm leaving for CRAM at Taylor tomorrow and I'll be there until the beginning of July, then I join back up with my friends at LH. Camp ends a week before Sierra Leone so hopefully that will be enough time to prepare. :-)

Here we go again!

This is Kroo Bay

I found this website earlier this week and I posted it on my missions blog, but I thought it might need to be seen here too.

The website is that of an organization that is not WMF (and not what I'm involved in) but they have an interactive portion that introduces you to the kids of the Kroo Bay slum, an area where I will be working a lot. So if you want to see what things will be like where I am, check it out here.

The Summer Outlook

I know I've posted about hard goodbyes before. I feel like I do it all the time, but that one topped them all. How do I know? It's the only one that made me cry.


Now, on to the world.

Here's the forecast for the life of Goller. At least until 2010. (By the way, that's pronounced Twenty-Ten not Two Thousand Ten... c'mon, we've got to start it somewhere.)

Now: Prep for WMF, CRAM, go to King's Island with a random youth group?

June: CRAM

July: Camp, visit Kelsie in Orlando, Luther Road? More final prep for WMF

August-Dec: Go to Africa. Stay in Africa.

Dec- ever: Christmas with fam, get used to the crazy US again, find a job, live life.


There you have it. As you may notice a good bit of it centers around Word Made Flesh and my trip, which brings me the perfect opportunity to remind you of my other blog (the missions one) and the fact that you can donate online! Go to the WMF homepage, scroll to the bottom and click Donate in the lower left corner. please put my name (Ben Goller) where it asks for your designation. If you do it anonymously, I can't give you a thank-you card! ;-)

I Have Graduated

Yes, I do have a Bachelor of Art's degree. Yes, I did know that that was no longer the passport to prosperity it once was, but dang this college thing has been well worth it.

This past week or so I've talked with a lot of my senior friends about our time here and the general consensus seems to be that we learned more outside of class than in. We also may not remember all the facts and tidbits we were supposed to have remembered for tests, but we have been taught how to think more critically and maturely. We've grown in our relationships with one another and value time well spent. We've figured out more what it means to practice the presence of God and how to rely on a solid community of Christians.
But are we prepared for the infamous LATS? (Life After Taylor Syndrome, yes it's a medical condition). Derek Duncan (pastor from home/speaker at baccalaureate chaps) seems to think that it's all lonely and sad from here but at least we have God. Recent grad friends of mine disagree that it's all lonely and sad. We just have to keep learning to rely on God when we don't have all the structure here to keep us afloat. He's better than all that anyway, so why not?

I've been reading a bit lately on what the media at large thinks of my future. The WSJ suggests gonna suck. Huh... less money... so? Time seems to think that it's gonna be crazy different and just straight up weird. Whatever. I was kind of planning on that anyway, looks like the rest of the world can just join me.

What I've said of some of my favorite work places and jobs of the past, I will now say of life. If I were in it for the money I'd do something different.

Sermon (!)

I gave the sermon at Center Christian Church today because Dr. Jones was still yet to return from Ireland. I feel like it went well- I remembered to say all the things I meant to say, I wasn't too nervous, and it lasted around 20 minutes. The congregation (and my adoring mother) had positive things to say afterward.

Here are my notes- hopefully they make sense... I don't really feel like writing it out in essay form.









Announcement of Word Made Flesh, Sierra Leone. But the job search wasn't such fun- Description of J-Term anxiety and feelings of woeful inadequacy.

Turn to prayer-
Psalm 42:5
Why are you downcast, my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him,
My Savior and my God.

through my daily liturgy, two phrases stand out: "Keep your servant from willful sins so they may not rule over me" and "Direct my footsteps according to Your Word; let no sin rule over me"

What was ruling over me? Want of a job, depending on resume, self worth based on how my friends treated me.

Psalm 199:133
Direct my footsteps according to your word;
let no sin rule (have dominion) over me. (shalat- to be master of, to be lord over)

I was trying to be lord of my life. In my weakness I was letting my desires have dominion over me. I was being steered by the enemy of self- in trying to save myself I was losing myself.
What do we submit to? (This is our god).
What do we have faith in? What do we put our full weight of being on/What do we rely on? (This is our god).

Real World Examples (or literature)

• Two Madoff investors and CFO of Freddie Mac recently committed suicide.
• Smaug the dragon in The Hobbit- When Bilbo stole a single golden cup from his hoard, "His rage passes description-- the sort of rage that is only seen when rich folk that have more than they can enjoy suddenly lose something that they have long had but never used or wanted."
• Mark Twain parodies a famous adage when he says "Put your all your eggs in one basket and watch that basket!"
  

What does the Bible have to say to those who depend on their own strength or let their self-worth ride on one material thing?

Proverbs 18:10-11

¹⁰ The name of the LORD is a strong tower;
the righteous run to it and are safe.

¹¹ The wealth of the rich is their fortified city;
they imagine it an unscalable wall.

Jeremiah 17:5-8

⁵ This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

⁶ He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

⁷ "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

⁸ He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

How do we get to this place?

When Augustine loses a soul mate whom he relied on, he reflects, "Every soul is wretched that becomes bound in friendship to perishable things. The soul is torn apart when the thing loved is lost...I could not find relief in quiet forests, nor in loud games and music, nor in parties, nor in sexual pleasures, nor even in books or poetry."

These things are all perishable and the only route to joy is to find relief in the Imperishable. But of course, this is obvious and we all know it deep down. Yet we find ourselves at the bottom of that slimy pit, unable to put it into practice. Augustine empathizes, "When my soul retreated from life, a huge load of misery weighed me down. I should have raised my burden to You, O Lord, and You would have lightened it. I knew the truth, but I couldn't or wouldn't turn to You. For when I thought of You, You were not God to me."

These things that we submit to and rely on have become gods to us and they are powerless when we raise our burdens to them. We must make our God our god. (We must make the omnipotent YHWH the one that we submit to and rely on.)

How can we become like a tree planted by water/learn to submit to and rely on the LORD, to raise our burdens to Him?
Psalm 42:5
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God. >> or for the help of His presence. (NASB)

Hebrew "help" = yâshuw`ah = deliverance, salvation, Savior. Yeshua = Jesus
Jesus = Emmanuel = God is with us = "help of His presence" (!)

Therefore, we must:

Psalm 62:1-2

¹ My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.

² He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Ways we can actively engage in relying upon the LORD

• Take away something we rely upon
• Fasting (from food, indulgences, etc) - a good exercise in shifting our priorities
• Actively trust in Him
  
• "Biblical faith is like believing that it won't rain and then not taking an umbrella" (We must act upon our trust in Him and not focus our energies on backup plans "in case God doesn't come through")
  
• Prayer
• Raise our burdens to God
• Ask Him to help us in our realization that He is our Foundation
• AW Tozer:
  

Prayer from A.W. Tozer The Pursuit of God

Father, I want to know You, but my cowardly heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do no try to hide from You the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and have become a very part of my living self, so that You may enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shall You make the place of Your feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it for You shall be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. Amen.

"The Solid Rock" (hymn)

I'm moving to Africa

I heard back from Word Made Flesh yesterday and I have been accepted to go on the fall Sierra Leone Servant Team! I leave August 15 and get back presuambly before Christmas. It's gonna be a crazy time :-)

Plagiarizing JoHat

Here is pretty much a mirror image of a blog my roommate just made. But this Wordle thing is so much fun!

Check it out.

Made from this blog



Coming from a paper I wrote last semester "Religion and the Truman Presidency"



And this one is that thirty page paper I wrote for Contemp last year on Apologetics

Classic "I Just Got Back From Traveling Somewhere Sweet" Blog

OMG it was so totally amazing I hope you all read my entire blog and love it as much as I did! Hehehe!


Ha just kidding. Atlanta was fun, chillin with guys who graduated and seeing the town (drinking foreign Coke products and getting offered weed in a hippie part of town). New Orleans and the French Quarter were exciting and amusing. Lots of laying in the sun reading and eating good food on the cruise. Excursion to a private island north of Cozumel to chill on the beach and play in the surf.
Drove probably 2000 miles in around 30 hours. Dang.

Here are the pics

The News in Brief

I applied for and was accepted at one of the Student Life Co-Directors from CRAM this summer at Taylor. Josiah, Jorjette, and Annie Dimond are my illustrious co-workers and it's gonna be awesome making school as much like camp as possible for the month of June.

I'm working at LH for senior high week. (!)

I applied and interviewed for a position on a Servant Team with Word Made Flesh. Still waiting to hear back, but I anticipate positive results. It'll be August-December and the destination is yet to be determined but Sierra Leone is the top choice.

The most wonderful girl I've ever met said that she also likes me and we've been dating a little over a month now. (!) Yes that's Kelsie who I went to Ireland with last spring. She's great :-)

And I played Low Rider in Nostalgia Night.
That's what's been going on in my life. Also, school.

"Emerging Adulthood" is such a lame name...

Today I got sick of all the rain and played frisbee in the mud. So much fun! We ran through the creek by Wengatz and crawled through the tunnel under the sidewalk going to the DC, then ran and slid on our stomachs through a huge puddle in the field. It was fantastic!
Then I get back and there are emails from my mom about me taking on my own health insurance. And I have to look for a job. And know where I will live in the next 3 months. My taxes want to get done and be turned in.
Do I still get to be a kid when I'm an adult or is it all lame? I am definitely capable of being both an adult and a kid now, but will there ever come the day when I won't be able to be a kid?




No. :-)


Edit: In my last post, I promised to tell you whether or not I finished the Brother's Karamazov. I did- right as we got back form J-Term Break. It's seriously one of my top books ever (check the list on the sidebar there --->. And last time I posted I was around page 200. It's those first 200 pages that were the worst and hardest to get through.

Catch up

I took a break most of December: finals week and finishing papers, then Christmas break I had no impetus to blog. Still I have little of great consequence to say.

I read some sweet books though: Peter Kreeft never fails to impress with Heaven: The Heart's Deepest Longing. It was so solid and, like his book on the Tolkien's philosophy, helped me understand why I love what I love (this time being life and joy and such instead of fiction). Other books included stuff from the Armchair Theologian's series- Augustine and Aquinas. These are two dudes who are huge names in everything about life and theology and I knew most of their actual written works were way above my head so I went with this series that makes their stuff accessible and still yet presented at a high level. I really like Augustine- he and I think alike and I kinda want to hang out with him. The last literary project I embarked upon was The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky. I've seen this book quoted all over the place (mostly in philosophical junk and by Kreeft) and I knew I had to check it out myself. I'm about 200 pages in and really nothing enormous has happened, but I still like it. Unfortunately I was told twice today that lots of people get about to the point where I am and give up. I will chug on.*

Other things I did included making cookies and fudge. Camp reunions! Chillin with friends from high school or with my brother. And keeping up on world events. In that arena let me just point out in the midst of this so-called crisis: MONEY DOES NOT GIVE YOU HAPPINESS. Exhibit A. Exhibit B. Don't depend on the things of this world or when it's taken from you, you will have nothing left.

Oh that reminds me. Israel and Gaza? What the heck. In the context of Rob Bell's new book Jesus Wants to Save Christians: A Manifesto to the Church in Exile (which, yes, I am also reading) the whole deal of Israel's history of being oppressed, liberated, growing in power, then becoming the oppressor themselves is just mind blowing right now. Way to be a holy nation of priests there guys. I'm sure the Muslim world likes the example that God's holy people are setting for them. And yes, historically, the Church is now that chosen people (not doing so spectacularly either) but that's no excuse for Israel to throw it all out and give up.


*I'll try to let you know in the next month or so if this is actually true.